I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
