You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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