butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
