PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
