I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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