I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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