why didn't you poke me back
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
