So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
