Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
