I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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