Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
