Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
