I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
