i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
