I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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