We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
