i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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