why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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