I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
