drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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