dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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