I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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