My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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