You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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