well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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