I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
