What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We need to rekindle our bromance
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
