I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
