Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
