do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
