I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
