i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
