Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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