the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
