did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
