so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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