I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
please don't ironically join a cult
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