so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
