ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
