Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
