I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
