Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
