I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
