My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
