If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
