just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
