like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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