I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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