3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
