One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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