Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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