Nicole vs. Life
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
