Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My butt remains clenched, sir.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
