Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She announced her abortion via fbk
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
