I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
