i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
