i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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